"Go and look up things you don't know" -"How am I supposed to do that if I don't know them? I don't know what I don't know!!"
"Last night You and Gill were so funny"
"Why?"
"Because it's like you are competing to be the most blonde"
"Well we're not. We can't help it if we don't know stuff"
"yeah but that whole 'what's imperialism', Gill definitely took the lead there. I'm glad you knew what Imperialism meant."
Silence
"You DO know what it means don't you?"
More silence and me averting my eyes from Mike's
"Oh god, I thought you were taking the piss last night when you said 'mints'...you weren't were you?"
Shaking of head
"how? I mean, how do you NOT know what it means?"
"I've never had to"
"But, if I see a word and I don't know what it means, I look it up."
"So do I"
"But you obviously don't"
"I do...it's just that a long time ago, probably when I was 9 or something, I heard the word Imperialism and haven't thought about it since, not til last night. Therefore I've no need to look it up. Incidentally, what does it mean?"
"Ok, what does Imperial sound like?"
Ali pulls various 'thinking' faces
"Ok, lets try again, it sounds like...Imp...IMP...EMP..."
"...ORER. Emporer!" I grinned
"Yes. Right, Ok, and what is an Emporer in charge of?"
"Land?"
"Well, yes, but more specifically?"
"A country?"
"Ye-es...."
"er...Empire?"
"thankyou" Mike started to sound like he was a teacher, I think, contrary to what he thinks, he'd make a fab primary school teacher. Without him I'd not have got to that stage!
"Ok" He tried again "So to have an Empire is...."
"To have lots of land?"
"Yes, but what's it called?"
"Er..."
"Ok, that is Imperialism. Like when we were the British Empire and we had lots of land all over the world. That is Imperialism."
"Right! So is that why the storm troopers in Star Wars were IMPERIAL storm troopers?"
"yes. There was a hub, ie: the deathstar, and they were creating an empire all over the galaxy. Same principle applies here."
"OH, if you'd just said that, I'd have got it!"
Mike sighed "How do you not know these things? In this day and age, when we have dictionary.com? Look, go look up the things you don't know"
"How am I supposed to do that if I don't know them? I don't know what I don't know!" I grinned. I was winding him up spectacularly. He sighed. I decided to switch tracks and actually learn some shit.
"So what did we have?"
"when?"
"When we were an empire."
"The Indian Sub-Continent, Africa..."
"Africa?"
"Yes, Africa, that big country, you know!"
I grinned "I know" I said proudly having now learnt where it is.
"and bits of France when we were at the biggest. And Canada..."
"America?"
"No, not America."
I looked downcast.
"But what about when we went over there...the colonies"
"The colonials?"
"Yes, and the Pioneers. We went over and we then set up colonies and then we went off on wagons - they were the Pioneers."
"That all happened much later. And actually they sat around in swamps on the East Coast for years before going off...and the French were there and we were fighting them."
"the french?"
"yes, the french."
"But, how? We discovered America, how were the French already there?"
" We didn't discover America."
"Yes we did. Christopher Columbus!"
Groan "you think Christopher Columbus was British?!!"
"Why?"
"Because it's like you are competing to be the most blonde"
"Well we're not. We can't help it if we don't know stuff"
"yeah but that whole 'what's imperialism', Gill definitely took the lead there. I'm glad you knew what Imperialism meant."
Silence
"You DO know what it means don't you?"
More silence and me averting my eyes from Mike's
"Oh god, I thought you were taking the piss last night when you said 'mints'...you weren't were you?"
Shaking of head
"how? I mean, how do you NOT know what it means?"
"I've never had to"
"But, if I see a word and I don't know what it means, I look it up."
"So do I"
"But you obviously don't"
"I do...it's just that a long time ago, probably when I was 9 or something, I heard the word Imperialism and haven't thought about it since, not til last night. Therefore I've no need to look it up. Incidentally, what does it mean?"
"Ok, what does Imperial sound like?"
Ali pulls various 'thinking' faces
"Ok, lets try again, it sounds like...Imp...IMP...EMP..."
"...ORER. Emporer!" I grinned
"Yes. Right, Ok, and what is an Emporer in charge of?"
"Land?"
"Well, yes, but more specifically?"
"A country?"
"Ye-es...."
"er...Empire?"
"thankyou" Mike started to sound like he was a teacher, I think, contrary to what he thinks, he'd make a fab primary school teacher. Without him I'd not have got to that stage!
"Ok" He tried again "So to have an Empire is...."
"To have lots of land?"
"Yes, but what's it called?"
"Er..."
"Ok, that is Imperialism. Like when we were the British Empire and we had lots of land all over the world. That is Imperialism."
"Right! So is that why the storm troopers in Star Wars were IMPERIAL storm troopers?"
"yes. There was a hub, ie: the deathstar, and they were creating an empire all over the galaxy. Same principle applies here."
"OH, if you'd just said that, I'd have got it!"
Mike sighed "How do you not know these things? In this day and age, when we have dictionary.com? Look, go look up the things you don't know"
"How am I supposed to do that if I don't know them? I don't know what I don't know!" I grinned. I was winding him up spectacularly. He sighed. I decided to switch tracks and actually learn some shit.
"So what did we have?"
"when?"
"When we were an empire."
"The Indian Sub-Continent, Africa..."
"Africa?"
"Yes, Africa, that big country, you know!"
I grinned "I know" I said proudly having now learnt where it is.
"and bits of France when we were at the biggest. And Canada..."
"America?"
"No, not America."
I looked downcast.
"But what about when we went over there...the colonies"
"The colonials?"
"Yes, and the Pioneers. We went over and we then set up colonies and then we went off on wagons - they were the Pioneers."
"That all happened much later. And actually they sat around in swamps on the East Coast for years before going off...and the French were there and we were fighting them."
"the french?"
"yes, the french."
"But, how? We discovered America, how were the French already there?"
" We didn't discover America."
"Yes we did. Christopher Columbus!"
Groan "you think Christopher Columbus was British?!!"
posted by Culinali at 3:26 pm
1 Comments:
Mike learns Everybody some shit:
1- Most of the above conversation is fictionalised for narrative effect; partly due to Ali's immensely skillful handling of prose, partly because of her bad memory.
2- Emperor is spelt thusly.
3- The best bit, which didn't make the final cut, was: "An emperor?" "Yes! And what does an emperor rule over?" "erm... ... a kingdom?"
4- The British Empire contained _parts_ of Africa. Most of the rest was divided up between the empires of France, Portugal, Belgium, etc.
Interesting factlet: Abysinnia (now Ethiopia) was the only 'country' to remain independent.
5- America was part of the British Empire, of course, before the War of Independence (1775-1783). The French, although diminished in North America after the Seven Years' War, aided the American colonials where the could.
6- France was emphatically NOT in the British Empire. I told her that England owned parts of France in the Middle Ages (from the Norman conquest through the Hundred Years' War to the eventual retaking of Calais in 1558) and some wires got crossed, not her fault.
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