Don't let an addiction rule your life

Facebook is a rapidly snowballing social networking facility of HELL. Yes, you heard. HELL. It's great when you want to find someone that you can't any other way. If they are aged over 6 and below 50 it's likely they will be on facebook (or they don't have a life). But there are pitfalls as come with any technological breakthrough.
For instance, you can search, but if they've changed their name, or spell it differently, or are under a pseudo name that only their closest allies now know, you have no hope; or next to no hope of finding them.

Secondly it is now fast becoming an addiction to most of the population (those that have friends). I read this week that more and more employers are banning it because their employees are spending too much time on it. Basically, once you start, you're hooked. It's a slow but very steady addiction, much like gambling or alcohol, and similarly, people are finding it is losing them their jobs.

Thirdly, and this is by far the most disconcerting of all the pitfalls to facebook; it's so scary to actually find out what your friends are now doing. It installs a sense of fear, of inferiority, and of moral panic. Your friends all seem to have better jobs than you, get paid more than you, have cuter pets than you (which bizarrely they invite you to be friends with on facebook...yeah, as though a cat knows how to use the application). Or in my case, my friends are getting married, having babies in 5 weeks, or having just had second babies. This caused a mass crisis in my life. How do you compete with a baby for christ's sake? Yeah I just moved in with my boyfriend, into a rented house, with a job...that's temporary. Nothing appears permanent in my life. Needless to say I had my freak out at Mike about this. Needless to say he laughed.
After 'talking', yes, it required that much calming down; I came round.

It doesn't matter that I'm not ready to buy a house, or have a baby, or get engaged. It doesn't matter that they are living in London earning 10 times as much as me. It doesn't matter that pet Poochy won best dog at crufts. None of it matters. None of it indicates that you are any better a person than me. I don't earn much, but I love my job. I don't have to sit in a stuffy office all day staring at a computer screen worrying about whether my shares and stock in 'I'm so rich I don't know what to do with my money' are going up or down. I have freedom to move in a year if I want, to the other side of the world if I like...without paying huge sums in solicitors fees to sell my house/pay off the mortgage/have vaccinations for Poochy. I am me. That simple. We are happy. End of, definitely no kids or anything like that for now.

Ironically in the fortune cookie I got yesterday the message was:

"There will be a new addition to the family!"

Now excuse me while I go to check if anyone else has replied to my event that I created whilst at work this morning....

Firstly, I'd like to rant about the twat that decided to whack my wing mirror. The indecency of it, is that they weren't even driving...couldn't have been, for it was the wingmirror next to the pavement that got hit. That means, that some (probably drunken) mindless twat arsed fuck face decided to hit it for fun last night. What the mindless twat arsed fuck face does not realise is that I am very upset and angry over the incident. I don't like violence really of any sort, although I admit I sometimes get very angry and violent myself, but rarely would I ever do anything to anyone, or any item of anyone else's. But this really makes me angry. It is just senseless vandlism to property belonging to someone else, without a thought for them, or how they are going to repair it, or if it's repairable, or if they have enough money to do so, and it's made me really REALLY angry. Therefore, if I EVER catch the fuckers that did this, there will be hell to pay, because I will not hold back. I just *know* my temper would flare, and I dread to think of what I might do to them.
The car is a material object, it doesn't have feelings, it is repairable, it doesn't matter that it might cost £100 or so to do. What annoys me is that the car is my pride and joy. I saved since I was 15 for my first car (and only managed to get it when I was 22). I love that little car so much, it got me through flash flooding marvellously the other day. That is what annoys me most. It's mine, that i've saved to buy and maintain, and someone, just because they feel like it, can smash it, or hit it or thump it or bump it. And there is nothing I can do.

I feel totally powerless in this unjust world.


Secondly, and more lightheartedly, it was Emma's party last night, firstly we went to her flat and drank lots of Pimm's, got mildly drunk and ended up looking at Sylvanian porn on youtube. Then Emma and Phil wanted to watch something else that was random and amusing on the internet, so Matt typed into google what Emma said. This came up, (turn up the sound, although if you are watching on a public PC, turn it down, or put headphones in!!) it was not what Emma or Phil had intended but had us rolling around the floor with laughter. It amazes me what you can find on the internet if you look, or as we did, accidentally type in the wrong thing, I mean, who is it aimed at? Who watches all of these things? How do people find them? Who creates them and to what purpose?

We ended up in an expensive restaurant somewhere towards the Jewellery Quarter at about 9.30pm, thinking it wasn't going to be as expensive as it was, but as we were led into the dining part of it (candlelit, leather sofa's and tables to sit at, attentive waitresses, and all of it separated from the bar by a turkish style arch with curtain) we realised we were financially fucked. However, it was a pleasant evening, quote of the day going to Richard who said:
"What's the latin for Robot?"

Ps..if you know the twat faces that did that to my car, either beat the shit out of them, or smash something of theirs they love, or let me know their address...I'll sort out the rest.

Kidnapped!

"How was your day?"
"Ok, Boring, same old stuff I suppose. Yours?"
" Well......I did a home visit with German Girl, and essentially got locked in a flat on the 3rd floor of a Tower Block, with a suicidal crazy woman, who was brandishing a knife, waving it around and who threatened to kill herself, or, more preferably, her neighbour; and anyone else that 'backed her into a corner'; like us if we said the wrong thing."
"Ok, your day wins"

"I do"

I put my hand on the bar of the trolley, gazed up at Mike and smiled inwardly. This was perfect. Mike glanced down at me and caught my eye and smiled; and I knew he was thinking what I was.
"I like this" I said "I feel like a proper couple"

He stopped and looked at me face on, and then it happened:

"Oh God! We're in a Garden Centre on a Saturday, we might as well be walking down the aisle!!!"
"We're buying fucking compost, don't exaggerate!"

"why are we leaving the sunshine? Look at the cloud, look at that BLACK FOREBODING CLOUD WE ARE DRIVING TOWARDS...."
"Shut up, you sound like a child"
"Are we there yet?"
"Shut up!"
"But really, LOOK, look at the cloud, OH MY GOD, why are we leaving the sunny side of Birmingham"
(surrogate parents together) "Shut up!"
Suddenly the car in front of us brakes, due to the bus to the side of that trying to pull out into the side of the car in front of the car in front of us!!! I assume our driver sees this, but serious lack of braking whos this is obviously not the case. "Miiiiiiiiikkkkkkkeeeeeeee!" I scream as we nearly, oh so nearly lose our lives by careering into the back of the car in front.
The screech of tyres reluctantly grinding against tarmac rings in my ears, and through the smoke from the tyres we are relived to find we came inches from crashing. I glare whilst trying not to shake.
"Sorry, I was looking at that woman's stupid hat" He looks sheepish "Well, it was very stupid"

Fundraising

Hi everyone,

Been busy, busy busy. But am ok. Moved house at the weekend so Mike and I now live together which is slightly scary! Will get the internet on the 27th so will be able to update you more then, and not at work!

I've gotta be quick, but I'm doing a sponsored abseil and caving event on Sunday if anyone would like to sponsor me, I'd be very, very grateful.

You can do this through the Justgiving website: http://www.justgiving.com/aliasbteam or if it works the link below! Thankyou very much. Speak to you all soon, Ali xxx

Walking Wounded.

So, today, I gave up my treasured Sunday to participate in a mock up of a high scale emergency in birmingham city centre.

The location: Aston University
The brief: you have been attending a graduation ceremony when there is a gas explosion which affects several parts of the building. There are various wounded.
The idea: To test the emergency response teams and how they cope with a large scale disaster.

8.30am: Yes, AM!!! Arrival at Aston Uni and registration
9.00am: Told to eat danish pastry's - would be rude not to. Also given coffee to wake me up! This is essential; I need to be awake to understand my (very important) role.
9.30am: I do some networking in the coffee queue, handing out my business card; never let an opportunity to network escape!
10.00am: Make up is applied. My wounds were stinging eyes, redness to the face (from burns/heat) and bruising to the ribs.
10.30am: I start talking to a couple of women. One it emerges was in a play I recently saw. This is a coincidence we still can't get over.
10.45am: The 'Green Tag's' are called to be briefed in the corridor. From now on we are escorted by an army official and a WRVS (or whatever it is) woman. We are taken through the building, past the press, to waiting transport in the form of a Travel West Midlands Bus. The idea is that we are 'walking wounded' therefore if there had been an explosion someone would have shouted 'anyone who can walk over here' and we would have been loaded onto buses that would be drafted in to help cope in an emergency.
11.00am: we are sat on the bus. Watches are synchronised, but the 'explosion' (a foghorn) was delayed. There are now several onlookers apart from the press stood outside the pub.
11.20am: We leave the grounds as the 'explosion' happens. Not very realistic as we would have been inside. But the aim is also to test the hospital response and there are lots more volunteers being rescued inside.

I'm going to give up on times now, because there is no point. Basically we were taken to Heartlands Hospital first. Several things went wrong with this:
1. Security sent us the wrong way to A+E, so the bus had to do a four point turn to get back out of the dead end.
2. No one was prepared (which I guess in hindsight is good, although they should have had an email saying there was going to be a major incident exercise on Sunday, last Friday...maybe they didn't get it, or chose to ignore it, I don't know). The doctors wandered round confused. The ambulance men laughed, and we waited. It was only the bottom deck going to Heartlands, the rest of us were going on to Solihull.
They spent at least 5 minutes just trying to find fluorescent jackets for the doctors and nurses involved to wear. No one got on the bus to see to the injured. Eventually they got their asses into gear, but it took about half an hour from arrival to get everyone into A+E, nevermind assessed. Those that couldn't walk were forced to walk to the trolleys and wheelchairs that hadn't quite come to the door of the bus, then put on or in them. And so we waved them goodbye, thinking their survival rate probably wasn't going to be that high.

On we went to Solihull, on arrival they were prepared. Clearly Heartlands had phoned the main operational centre to find out what was going on, and messages had been sent to hospitals to standby to recieve patients. They had 2 doctors and a senior nurse onto the bus immediately assessing us, and prioritising us. Then as we got off the bus we were given a priority badge and told to register with someone who took our details outside, so as not to disrupte 'real' patients inside. Trolleys and wheelchairs on standby went right to the bus doors, and we were all directed calmly inside the hospital to various points.
I was immediately seen by a nurse who took my details, and description of symptoms from me. She immediately picked up on the fact that I needed Saline eyewash as I had stinging eyes and probably debris in them, and she offered me paracetamol, which I took for the pain in my side (bruising). However, I had to show her the bruise, she didn't check, even though I said that someone may have banged into me, or I may have been knocked against debris (I couldn't remember it all happened so quick). Then she got me to wait in the reception, and called me back shortly after, into a consultant room with a Doctor. The doctor went through everything with me, making me breathe in and out, neither he nor the nurse still picked up on my face being burned and stinging, and I had to mention it about 4 times before she twigged and offered me a gauze compress to take down the burn. Then they left me.

And left me.

And left me.

Finally another nurse checked on me, asking if I had spoken to Police yet. I had not, so she left me.

Then the fun really began. The policeman arrived. He went to pull one of the two plastic chairs in the room, as he did so I began to say 'I wouldn't do that...' but too late. It had a massive puddle of water in it, and as he pulled it towards him, it went all over him. I couldn't stop laughing.
He was not amused.
I still laughed.
He swore, which I don't think was terribly professional. Then he got another and sat down beside me.
He asked me the usual questions: Name, Address, Occupation, DOB etc...then asked to see some photo ID if I had it. I had my driving licence, so got it out.
He looked at the photo, he looked at me. He looked back at the photo, and back at me. I smiled nervously. He assessed both me and the photo again, before saying 'that's not you'. 'Er...yes, It is' I replied.
'No, it isn't'
'yes, it is'
This went on for several minutes.
Nevermind what happened at the event now, he was more concerned with my photo ID! He didn't believe it was me and threatened to confiscate it. Then I got arsey, saying he had better not, or I would be speaking to his superior, and that I needed it later when driving. He was like 'why do you need it when you are driving, incase you get stopped?'
'Er, yeah!' DUUUUHHHH, what else are they for?
He reluctantly took event details, still looking at me, and the driving licence for some time. I got the impression he wasn't interested in the event. He asked who I was with: 'no-one'. Where was I when it happened: 'in the great hall, Aston Uni'. Why was I there: 'attending a graduation ceremony'. Who had I come to see 'some fake name'. 'Where was my boyfriend at the time of the incident?' - Er, excuse me? Is he implying something.....
'I still don't believe this is you. For all I know you could be anyone, a terrorist. I bet you caused the explosion didn't you?'
Not liking how this was going I got a little indignant 'I think you'll find it was a gas explosion actually, if you ask people.'
It was hard to tell if he was joking or not, but irrespective of that, it wasn't professional.

It gets better. He leaves, and I wait. I've not been told to go anywhere so I don't. He comes back, asks to see the licence again. I said 'no'. He looks at me and starts telling me everyone else has gone but i'm going to be admitted. I do not believe everyone has gone as they do strict head counts so tell him I think he's winding me up. He says they've already done the brief and gone. I say that's impossible as debrief is back at the centre at 3! He leaves.

He comes back 10 minutes later (during which time no one has checked up on me and the ward has gone quiet) 'They really have gone. They're in the canteen. They've forgotten about you.'
'I don't believe you.'
'they have. They're eating cake in the canteen and have gone'
I ignore him. He's getting on my nerves.

He goes, and finally comes back with a nurse, who is like 'er, come with me.' He is laughing and saying 'they did really forget about you. Everyone else is back on the bus.'
They were.
They didn't go without me, obviously because they realised I was missing, and the lady actress, was alerting people to my not being there. Apparently she even told the policewoman who took her statement that her friend 'Alison has been separated from me in the hospital, I don't know where she is.' And the policewoman wrote it all down!
The marshalls realised I wasn't there at headcount and said to staff I had been lost, could they tell them where i was? - 'no'
Could they send porters to look for me? - 'Yes' but the porters didnt' find me, and I certainly didn't see any porters!
They gave them my name, so they could check their charts and everything.
Realistically the idiot policeman should have informed the nurses, but I don't think he was about to make anyone's life easier. I think obviously he finally did. After he had his fun.
Bastard.

Anyway, the marshalls took down my response to being 'lost' by the hospital staff, and my interview with the policeman, who basically told me he thought I was a terrorist. So i think all that will go into the de-brief. I am going to write to the head of the operation to complain anyway. He did not treat me right that policeman, and I want him to get a bit of a bollocking for it. At the end of the day, I gave up my Sunday to volunteer to do that exercise, I shouldn't then be accused of being a terrorist, or not who I say I am!
This did give me a real insight though, into how some of my victims must feel when the Police get the proceedures wrong. So far the police i've met have been co-operative at work, this is the first time I've come across one that isn't; but in fairness it was a different situation, although he didn't lay off even when I showed him my business card. But seriously, if some victims, and I was playing the part of a victim and was wounded so should have been sympathised with, are treated like that, it's no wonder they hold grudges against the police. And then I have to explain to them that they are just doing their job, etc, etc...I'm not sure I can do that now, having been on the receiving end. Think I'll just end up siding with the victims 'yeah, love, your'e right, they're bastards!'. LOL.

Anyway. The apparently the Heartlands lot didn't fair too well, as we predicted. They were phenomenally slow treating them and diagnosing them, and I have a sneaky suspicion that some of them deteriorated badly before the end of the day.

15.00: exercise was completed, I was given my £10 for participating, and I even ran into one of the Sergeants that I know from work. I collected my packed lunch and went home; to relay my adventures.

Quote of the day goes to Gilly; who when I was explaining about my day, I showed my 'bruise' to on my ribs. She was unusually quiet. Then 10 minutes later I said 'I think i'll go wash off my 'bruise' in the shower now.'
'oohhh!' came from Gilly. I looked at her, she giggled 'I thought they really bruised you, but it's make-up. It was all I could do not to advise you to sue!'

Apologies...Again

Hello!

Sorry I have not been exactly active for the past few months, there has simply been too much going on in my life. My new job is not so new any more, infact I had my 3 month review today!!!

Anyway, I am back!

Musing: Englishness and Gay People

N0, the two are not related, well, I suppose they could be, but they are not intended to be!

So, today is St. George's day, hmmmm, I've never exactly celebrated today, to be honest I don't see the point. And also I mostly forget about it! But I guess it's about upbringing, and I've not been brought up to think 'I'm English'; which is odd you may think, living in England. To tell the truth, I feel more Scottish than English, which is maybe what I've latched onto throughout life. Ruth and I were brought up eating Haggis and knowing our Scottish roots. So this led to me thinking, "who am I?"

The answer is, I don't know. Of course I'm Ali who lives in Birmingham, blah blah blah. But my roots, I don't really know anything about them. I know that at some point in history I must have had Welsh heritage as my surname suggests (quite strongly), but what else? I'm not even sure how to find out, without of course all that tedious to-ing and fro-ing to archives that contain family history, and to be honest I wouldn't even know how to get that far.
So, this is my mission, for today, which means it will probably take me the best part of a year; to find out where I am from and a little more about my past.

Second musing then; Gay people.
This is not just about Gay people, I know plenty and to be honest I feel no real need to write about them specially. They are just people, like you or I and I don't get all this fuss that has to be made over them. Do they have 3 legs? Well, I suppose they might, but generally on the whole, no. So why make a big deal and single them out?
This has got me ranting because of an article I read in the Metro. Yes, I know, Mike is forever telling me to take everything I read in there with a pinch of salt, preferably a whole dispenser full! But, all the same, some element of truth has to be attributed to it. It's all about Gay holidays. I mean, seriously, why?

Do people assume that just because someone is gay they are going to want to go on holiday with a lot of other gay people? Why? I don't understand. I'm straight, and to be honest it doesn't bother me whether I go on holiday with gay or straight people...as long as I go on holiday!!
Maybe I'm missing something terribly important here, but I don't get this niche-ness that they seem to be going on about. Maybe someone could enlighten me?
Also, why do a cruise just for gay people? What could gay people possibly want that isn't on a 'normal' cruise? I just don't think encouraging segregation in cases where segregation is already a massive issue within society is a good idea. Surely it will only escalate problems and those who are bigoted will only be rewarded with more separation thus re-inforcing it. I don't know.
I'm going to leave it at that, because the more I think about it the more I feel I'm going around in circles.

Ps. on a culinary term I'm going to attempt to make Irish teabread, I'll let you know how it goes.

And my top tip for today: Scrambled Eggs; Delia Smith has a fantastic recipe - some butter in a pan, wait til it's melting and just starting to bubble, pour in lightly whisked egg (with seasoning) and continue to quickly move it all round the pan breaking it up with a pointy wooden spoon, when 2/3 of it is cooked, remove from heat, add a little more butter and put back over heat. Keep stirring and separating the mix and AS SOON as it is cooked, transfer to plate and serve. mmmmm yummy.

Bits and Pieces.

One for Ruth:

"Up until a year ago I basically thought New Zealand was another word for Canada"
What's more worrying: She's 17 and does Geography at school, or the fact that she has relatives some of whom still live in New Zealand and some of whom she has certainly met in the last year who now live here?

For any of you who actually read this, I'm sure there are few, but for those few...Please, take a moment of your time to view this webpage and to comment. It would mean a lot to me.
And spread the word.
http://ubrm.facebook.com/album.php?aid=62270&id=223404804

Thankyou.

Also, does anyone happen to have a roll up sleeping bag, in a bag kinda thing that I could borrow friday to sunday please?

Apologies

Ok. So I'm back. Thanks to everyone who nagged me to get a gmail account and switch my blog over so that once again I could write...I've done it! Happy now?

So here are some things I meant to blog, but didn't due to not wanting the hassle of switching:

For Jems:

A: "Jemma you're in denial." pause "although of course that's in Egypt"

Silence

Blank look from Jemma

A: "Denial...De Nial....The Nile...."

J: "yeah" (nervous laughter)

A: "You know the River Nile??"

J: (positively) "Yes!"

A: "Runs through Egypt..."

J: (not so positively) "ye-es"

Pause

J: "I thought that was the River that ran through London

A: (groans and hits forehead!)

This is my favourite New Year Pic. We had an awesome time that night. I met up with Abs, Kirsty, Meryn and Dunc in Revolution, Bath. There was much drinking and vodka shots, some dancing (ficken, ficken, ficken fur das volk!) and a bit of tit grabbing too...who was that mysterious person in the mask!?

I have to say, NYE was the best night out I've had in a long time, despite Mike not being able to make it to Bath. I had so much fun and was with such fantastic people I honestly don't think it would have mattered if I was drunk or not. And at the end of the night (apart from Kirsty who was driving) I think i'm safe to say I was the soberist. Dunc managed to fall into the lobby of Loch Fyne fish restaurant at least once, and fell down again outside...that proves his drunken state. Abs got quite drunk in the bar and was looking like she might nod off at any mo, when all of a sudden she got a fit of the giggles. Meryn was slurring her words and decidely not so hot on her feet when we came out. But who am I to judge if that pic is anything to go by!!!? I'll include a couple more pics for your entertainment on our night out to bring in 2007

Oh and commisserations to Dunc who for the second year in a row managed to get the Chili Vodka shot. Only this time he shared it with Abs, though I don't know how much good it did!

So, New Year, New Job!! It's all very exciting and I'm loving it at the moment. I have been there nearly a month now. In that month we have moved into our new offices which are on Corporation St and right by all the courts. We have started putting all the furniture together and tomorrow Mr. BT man is coming to get us hooked up to la internet and la telephone. Thus we will really be able to communicate and people will HAVE to take us seriously. It was only slightly depressing that the work mobile phone I got was much much better than my personal mobile phone, and only slightly gutting that although there are free minutes and texts, we are NOT to use it for any personal use. I am currently thinking of switching to a contract phone anyway, so let me know of any good deals out there!

My little car NOYT passed it's MOT no probs, which I was totally thrilled about. And a couple of weekends ago I managed to make Mike's year by telling him Jems back home was selling her ford fiesta and would he like to be first to view it? Yes was of course the answer. He was looking at getting a fiesta so this was a stroke of genius and luck. He bought it and has been happy ever since. Of course though whenever I do something he doesn't like, or am trying to persuade him to do something he doesn't like, all I have to do is the puppy dog eyes and say "if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have your car". I fear this will only work for so long though and it's already wearing off. Good news is his car has also just passed it's MOT. Wooooo.

Right it's valentine's day today. Ugh sicky sicky. Mike and I have totally broken our tradition of making something of this day for several reasons.

1) I was supposed to be in London on a Residential and only coming back this afternoon. (Although I have been very poorly and had to get a replacement to go instead of me)

2) The novelty of having a caring Boyfriend on Valentine's day is slowly wearing off. Of course after my spectacular Valentine's day of the First Year, whereby my boyfriend spectacularly stood me up at the Valentine's 24 hour formal; it is no wonder that I clung to all hope the last 2 years and wanted to do something special. This year though, I have realised I am with someone who loves me for who I am every day, not just one day a year. And who shows me this every day. Why then should he have to show me this extra specially this one day? Likewise I know he knows I love him totally and utterly. We do silly little things for each other all the time and I am refusing to bow to advertising this year. Mike and I will have dinner tonight, but that is about it. As for getting him a card, yes I have. And yes, it's cute. As for presents...haha, well I thought we could really take the piss out of the day and go for the 'see who can get the tackiest present' competition! I will let you know the results although I believe I have already won hands down.

The weekend before last was awesome. Karen came back to Birmingham for the weekend and this meant that there was lots of spontaneous drinking and travelling to Redditch and back and ending up in SNOBS. Wooooo. It also meant that I saw Loopy who I havent' seen for ages and who has had a little bit of bad luck recently. We've always promised ourselves to go to SNOBS, but only just got round to it. Again it was a fun night, although I decided to switch to lemonade halfway through the night, much to Karen's disapproval:

K "I'm going to the bar, what would you like?"

Various shouts of 'beer'

K "so beer, beer, beer, beer..." She turned to me

A "Lemonade please"

K "Lemonade!!!!!!" She rolled her eyes "whatever!"

K returns from the bar and dishes out beer

A "Where's my lemonade bitch?"

K "Lemonade bitch? I don't do lemonade, bitch!"

She clearly was NOT impressed. Still my reasons were valid and I stuck to them. If I hadn't switched I'd have been too drunk to get up the next morning to go to Hay-on-Wye with Mike. We had planned it for a while and I really wanted to go.

We climbed some hills, and were rewarded with stunning views of the valley and mountains. The air was so clear and fresh, and the surrounding countryside totally silent. All you could hear were the birds and it was wonderful. We also met a horse or two, one in particular I coaxed to us and it then proceeded to rub itself on the barbed wire. I was terrified it would bleed but it's fur was so thick. It did look a little mad tho, and when I have it from Mike, I'll post the picture to show you.

I really can't think of anything else at the moment, apart from minor incidents like colluding with Nic to bring back a tiger and an Orang-Utan from HSBC and loading said creatures into my car, before displaying them proudly in our living room. I shall just keep you updated as and when things happen.

Deutschland

Ok, so I haven't exactly been very good at this lately, and yes, there are many (oh so many) things I need to blog about. I will try to be quick.

1. Bought a car - Self explanatory
2. Found out said car had a sort of rusted hole where the exhaust should be (explaining the noise that came out of the rear end - of the car - every time we started it.)
3. Have had tonsilitis (I didn't say this was going to be an interesting update) for the past 3 weeks, and scared all the kids at work by threatening them with it.
4. Consequently Mike kept well clear of me for a LOOOOONG time (not so fun)
5. Went to Germany with tonisilitis.

Here I will expand a little. The trip to Germany was fun filled, despite the tonsilitis. I have a very good friend called Kirsty who was living in Berlin who we stayed with (she is now back in the less glam Bristol area). We did ice skating,

we did a snow slide whereby I got given a huge rubber ring to sit on that said 'hardbody' oh the irony.

We ate phallic fruit at the German Christmas Markets

One night we had dinner up the Television tower in the rotating restaurant at the top (not good if you have vertigo, but luckily no one did). That was awesome, and it was where we saw a cool gingerbread house which was inspiration for my cooking the other night.

We did lots of touristy things, Mike was very impressed with the Reichstag building, and we went to see a bit of the wall that is still standing. Mike had to explain to me very patitently all about the wall, as I am terribly uncultured, despite having been to Berlin twice before, and Checkpoint Charlie on one visit. Yes, I know, how could I still NOT understand the politics? Lets just say I'm special and leave it at that eh.

We met fellow air hostesses Catherine and Louise "Throttle Back, Flaps up, what a lot of thrust.....ooooh". Louise is a filthy bitch! No, really! See photo below, entitled 'cherub penis stroking' it happened in a restaurant by the way, and no, it wasn't empty.

See what I mean?

Kirsty and I got a little carried away on Gluwein one night and decided to be 'Prime British Birds' on the U-Bahn platform much to the bewilderment of the other German passengers:

And then there was the incident when I got off the snowslide and turned around to the call of 'Ali' from Mike to be faced with this horrible, grotesque monster! No, not mike.

However, this is only as bad as Mike ever looks in the morning, so clearly it didn't frighten me too much, and instead I embraced the devil monster (hopefully scaring IT).

We did have some upperclass times too, hobnobbing it up in no less than a Moet Champagne bar, in Galleries La Fayette, which bizarrely have expanded from Paris to Berlin. The Berlin one is in complete contrast to the ancient Paris store, which is lovely and ornate and obviously old. It is very much in likeness to Harrods in London. This one though has the emphasis very much set on the modern and bizarre. There is some sort of glass mirror concave thing in the centre that is cylindrical and looks like it might be copying the Reichstag in some ways. Around this on swings were the mannequins in lingerie...very racy. Anwyay, the bar was lovely as you can see: The only other thing to really report was the random Free Hugs we found in a German Market (the one we went ice skating in), walking through off the Tram one day and there were all these people with signs saying 'free hug', did exactly what it said on the sign, and whilst initially seemed a little weird, certainly caused a few laughs; thus brightening up your day without realising it. Clever eh.

After that we ran into a giant snowman, yes, quite literally. What did we do? Got our legs over him, naturally!

Frohe Weihnachten! xx

Indoor Fireworks

"I asked Tim to have a look at my hair straighteners"
"Why?"
"Because they aren't working, they've sort of...died"
"Right, and why did you ask Tim to do this?"
"Because he's an electrical engineer"
"Yes, to do with Helicopters, not hair straighteners"
"Well...you know" I shrugged my shoulders as Mike looked at me pathetically "Turns out it didn't matter" I continued
"How's that?"
"I blew them up!"
"You what?"
"I blew up my hair straighteners"
"How the fuck...."
"Well, I was poking around inside them, and you know what, they really don't want you to get inside hair straighteners, and Tim and I were trying to work out where the funny buzzing noise was coming from, and first I saw Tim hold the circuit board while they were on, and I was like 'oh is it ok to do that, you won't get shocked or anything?' and he was like 'no, it's fine', so then I decided to hold it, only I held a component which had metal on it, and I flew across the room! Tim was like 'was that hot, or shock?' and I was like 'ssshhhooock', it wasn't very pleasant."
Mike looked despairingly at me "You were fiddling around inside hair straighteners while they were on?"
"Yes"
He sighed
"Well, they had to be plugged in, because otherwise you couldn't hear the buzzing noise they were making"
He looked blankly at me
"I burned my thumb" I said looking sheepish "when it shocked me"
"Ok"
"Anyway" I continued "what was more embarassing was the fact that i'd just been boasting about how I was using a screwdriver with a PLASTIC handle on it, to avoid electrocution, after last time, with the plug at 223, when I decided to take a short cut and instead of screwing the cover back on the plug, just plug it into the mains, forgetting it had metal in it, and my hand was touching the metal, and I shocked myself. And then I go and touch another metal thing carrying electricity and STILL shock myself"
Mike looked at me with a withering look
"So," I continued not put off by this at all "Then I really, really had to find out what was wrong with them, and so i was poking around with the screwdriver having learnt my lesson, and suddenly 'BANG' and there were sparks, and smoke, and soot...."
Mike's eyebrows raised "You mean you actually blew them up blew them up?"
"Yes, and we had to check that it hadn't set fire to my rug or anything, but it was ok, it hadn't, but they aren't working at all now, there is no way they are ever going to work again. Tim looked at them and told me I'd managed to blow a transistor" I grinned "it's quite hard to do" I said proudly "and he said I was lucky, sometimes the ends fly off them when you do that, but it didn't happen this time"
Mike groaned
"Apparently I managed to cross two components with the metal of the screwdriver to short circuit it, something about a live one and a grounded one, which caused the bang and sparks."
"you're proud of this aren't you?"
"Well, if they weren't going to work before, they certainly aren't now, and I can add them officially to my list of things I've blow up: 2 hairdryers, a computer monitor, a printer, 2 tv's, a stereo, a hoover and a pair of hair straighteners" I grinned at mike, he gave me a blank look back.
"Another reason why you shouldn't be involved with electrics"