Rejection on every level
So yesterday I recieved a letter from The Rep refusing me an interview, at least I got a letter so I'm not left hanging on guessing if one is going to arrive I suppose. I also took a trip to the Job Centre in Northfield, which wasn't a pleasant experience, but they have found me a couple of jobs I can enquire into. Unfortunately though, I can't claim benefits, yes, it has got so desperate that was my aim, to join the dole queue; but even they have rejected me.
I sat, last night in my room after work, and cried. Cried my eyes out. Sobbing onto a piece of paper I wrote down how I was feeling while my candles flickered around me.
I feel a failure at the moment. Total failure. I just want a chance to prove I can work, and that I work well, I've never been asked to leave a job, they always want to hold onto me, that surely says something. And the range of jobs I've done varies from Bar work to Customer Service, to Tour guiding. It's not like I have no experience, I've got fucking shit loads of it.
I have never felt such a failure before, I feel like I'm letting people down, myself most of all. Yesterday the guys in the Job Centre looked at me like I was mad, I felt out of place, I looked out of place, here I am, recent graduate with a First in my subject, plenty of skills and qualifications, previous experience, have been volunteering since I was 15, and I can't get a job. What am I doing wrong? Seriously, someone tell me, cos at this rate, financially I'm going to be forced to swallow my pride and go home, and that would kill me.
Me and my dad can't live together, we've tried it before (for 18 years) and I couldn't wait to move out, I wanted to move out when I was 16, live on my own I was so unhappy at home. Nothing I do pleases him, and he finds fault with everything I do. How can I live like that? I can't.
So, it's either find a job here, or, I don't know. I contemplated going to live with a friend elsewhere in the country, see if I'm any better at finding jobs there. Or just doing one of those crappy jobs abroad where they pay for your flights and accommodation on ski resorts and you nanny kids. I could do that. Knowing my luck though, I wouldn't even get an interview, let alone the job.
So very frustrated at the moment, and so very depressed about it. I feel as though I'm treading water, and to be honest, I'm sick of it, I want to stop, I'm getting cramp in my legs and my arms are tired, I just want to give in, let the water wash over me and darkness swallow me up.
I sat, last night in my room after work, and cried. Cried my eyes out. Sobbing onto a piece of paper I wrote down how I was feeling while my candles flickered around me.
I feel a failure at the moment. Total failure. I just want a chance to prove I can work, and that I work well, I've never been asked to leave a job, they always want to hold onto me, that surely says something. And the range of jobs I've done varies from Bar work to Customer Service, to Tour guiding. It's not like I have no experience, I've got fucking shit loads of it.
I have never felt such a failure before, I feel like I'm letting people down, myself most of all. Yesterday the guys in the Job Centre looked at me like I was mad, I felt out of place, I looked out of place, here I am, recent graduate with a First in my subject, plenty of skills and qualifications, previous experience, have been volunteering since I was 15, and I can't get a job. What am I doing wrong? Seriously, someone tell me, cos at this rate, financially I'm going to be forced to swallow my pride and go home, and that would kill me.
Me and my dad can't live together, we've tried it before (for 18 years) and I couldn't wait to move out, I wanted to move out when I was 16, live on my own I was so unhappy at home. Nothing I do pleases him, and he finds fault with everything I do. How can I live like that? I can't.
So, it's either find a job here, or, I don't know. I contemplated going to live with a friend elsewhere in the country, see if I'm any better at finding jobs there. Or just doing one of those crappy jobs abroad where they pay for your flights and accommodation on ski resorts and you nanny kids. I could do that. Knowing my luck though, I wouldn't even get an interview, let alone the job.
So very frustrated at the moment, and so very depressed about it. I feel as though I'm treading water, and to be honest, I'm sick of it, I want to stop, I'm getting cramp in my legs and my arms are tired, I just want to give in, let the water wash over me and darkness swallow me up.
posted by Culinali at 12:43 pm
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