True Love
Just watched 'Meet Joe Black' with kirst and her mike, the film itself wasn't that great i didn't think, although the concept was good, however, one bit really stuck out in my mind.
Joe was talking to some guy- can't remember his name which shows how much of an impression the film made on me! But anyway he was asking whether he loved his wife, guy replies with yes, and Joe asks if his wife loves him. Again, reply was yes. Joe then asks how he knows his wife loves him. The explanation was one so simple and struck such a chord with me. The guy says he knows because his wife knows everything about him, bad and good, she knows his darkest and deepest secrets, and it doesn't matter, she still loves him regardless. That is what true love is.
That really struck deep with me, i can so totally relate to it. It wasn't until those words were said though, that it really hit me...how totally wrapped up in love I am. I think if someone took Mike away now I'd really struggle. I don't know how I'd cope. Not to say I'm totally dependent on him...I'm not...I'm a modern, independent woman (with feet!). But I'm so totally in love. Mike knows my deepest darkest secret- I told him. And I distinctly remember (for it wasn't that long ago) how scared I felt telling him. I didn't think he'd want to know me after. I thought that was it, yet somehow I couldn't stay in the relationship I was in and not tell him. He had to know, we had to have a totally honest and trustworthy relationship. And so i took the plunge and told him what I have never told anyone. What I have lain awake at night more often than I like to think about over the years agonising over it. What I have never even fully acknowledged myself. I took a breath and I told him.
Expecting him to be disgusted, and appalled, instead he just kissed me, and told me that it didn't matter. It was of no consequence. Thus this one thing that believe me has held me back for so long in life, was exorcised from me...as much as it can be, I still think about it, and agonise over it to some degree, but not like before.
This person, this wonderful wonderful person, who had come into my life, loved me, totally and honestly for who I am- which includes my deepest and darkest secret. He didn't care. It didn't matter. I cannot express how much of a relief I felt- it was like a huge weight being lifted from the whole of me, not just my shoulders, for this was something that had come to embody me I think.
That I thought then, is love. And tonight, I was reminded of it, and it brought to the front of my thoughts, the real sinking feeling, that I am totally and utterly in love with him. I wouldn't care (well slight exaggeration, there are some things i would care greatly about) if he had done anything bad, or wrong in the past...for it is just that- the past. It is of no consequence to now, the present, or tomorrow- the future.
It's just funny how some inconsequential lines in a film can suddenly make you realise with a start, how much someone means to you, and how much you mean to someone else. I have no regrets, and never have done about choosing Mike over Christopher. Something that night (other than drunken lucy in the kitchen) told me Mike was The One, I had to be with him. Not like Destiny- i believe you make your own Destiny...but there was something there. I have no regrets.
This is all getting a little too soppy now for my liking, but a blog is here for a purpose, to write in, and to write honestly and truthfully. Both for your readers' sakes and yours. For some reason I needed to get that all onto paper (electronically), I needed to get it out of my system. I feel satisfied that i have done that now...
So now, i think i will go to bed.
xx
Joe was talking to some guy- can't remember his name which shows how much of an impression the film made on me! But anyway he was asking whether he loved his wife, guy replies with yes, and Joe asks if his wife loves him. Again, reply was yes. Joe then asks how he knows his wife loves him. The explanation was one so simple and struck such a chord with me. The guy says he knows because his wife knows everything about him, bad and good, she knows his darkest and deepest secrets, and it doesn't matter, she still loves him regardless. That is what true love is.
That really struck deep with me, i can so totally relate to it. It wasn't until those words were said though, that it really hit me...how totally wrapped up in love I am. I think if someone took Mike away now I'd really struggle. I don't know how I'd cope. Not to say I'm totally dependent on him...I'm not...I'm a modern, independent woman (with feet!). But I'm so totally in love. Mike knows my deepest darkest secret- I told him. And I distinctly remember (for it wasn't that long ago) how scared I felt telling him. I didn't think he'd want to know me after. I thought that was it, yet somehow I couldn't stay in the relationship I was in and not tell him. He had to know, we had to have a totally honest and trustworthy relationship. And so i took the plunge and told him what I have never told anyone. What I have lain awake at night more often than I like to think about over the years agonising over it. What I have never even fully acknowledged myself. I took a breath and I told him.
Expecting him to be disgusted, and appalled, instead he just kissed me, and told me that it didn't matter. It was of no consequence. Thus this one thing that believe me has held me back for so long in life, was exorcised from me...as much as it can be, I still think about it, and agonise over it to some degree, but not like before.
This person, this wonderful wonderful person, who had come into my life, loved me, totally and honestly for who I am- which includes my deepest and darkest secret. He didn't care. It didn't matter. I cannot express how much of a relief I felt- it was like a huge weight being lifted from the whole of me, not just my shoulders, for this was something that had come to embody me I think.
That I thought then, is love. And tonight, I was reminded of it, and it brought to the front of my thoughts, the real sinking feeling, that I am totally and utterly in love with him. I wouldn't care (well slight exaggeration, there are some things i would care greatly about) if he had done anything bad, or wrong in the past...for it is just that- the past. It is of no consequence to now, the present, or tomorrow- the future.
It's just funny how some inconsequential lines in a film can suddenly make you realise with a start, how much someone means to you, and how much you mean to someone else. I have no regrets, and never have done about choosing Mike over Christopher. Something that night (other than drunken lucy in the kitchen) told me Mike was The One, I had to be with him. Not like Destiny- i believe you make your own Destiny...but there was something there. I have no regrets.
This is all getting a little too soppy now for my liking, but a blog is here for a purpose, to write in, and to write honestly and truthfully. Both for your readers' sakes and yours. For some reason I needed to get that all onto paper (electronically), I needed to get it out of my system. I feel satisfied that i have done that now...
So now, i think i will go to bed.
xx
posted by Culinali at 11:12 pm
4 Comments:
I have to say, I can completely relate to what you wrote there. I am eternally grateful for and I s'pose still slightly bowled over by how much Dunc totally accepts me for who I am: from silly things, like when I first told him about my hemiplegia (we'd been going out for months by then) and he said, "I've never mentioned it because it just doesn't matter to me. You're beautiful and I love you' yadda yadda to other things. I haven't actually told him my deepest dark secret - if I did it would also be admitting it and acknowledging it myself, which I don't want to do. He's never said anything but I know he knows and the fact that he accepts that too means a hell of a lot to me. I reckon most men in his position would run a million miles...but not Dunc. Aren't we lucky girlies?
we so are. Dunc is lovely, i've always thought that, he's always come across as a really genuinely nice person. We are indeed lucky girlies. xx
aww you too are so loved up !!! me and abs need your guys help !!! maybe I can find me a flexibeler Bundespilot !!! ;)
ps you probably know this already but I am well chuffed for you both and am expecting free plonk at the weddings !!!!! (pps when are you both coming to Berlin ?!!)
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